fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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