i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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