When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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