Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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