Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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