So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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