he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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