His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize