mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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