we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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