I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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