road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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