i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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