I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
zippers are such a cool invention
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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