I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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