i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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