Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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