I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
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i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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