bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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