We won't sleep together?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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