my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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