Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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