i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sober January is a disaster.
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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