Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize