"it" just moved
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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