Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize