Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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