im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
please come you make the beer taste better
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I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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