the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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