screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize