maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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