feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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