you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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