the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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