im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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