what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize