So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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