Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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