SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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