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i think my mom watched the whole time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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