You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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