**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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