wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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