I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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