I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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