You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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