Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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