a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize