Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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