you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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